Pitty Party

I am so wore out, I am so tired of being tired. When I greet a person I always say "hello how are you" and they will say the same to me...my response "fine thank you"..I am a liar, or I want to believe I am fine...BUT I AM NOT!!

I work so hard to make my days positive, but they are not. I work so hard to believe that today will be a good day, but its not. As I attempt to clean my house, holding my breath to get through it with no complaint, but inside me I am miserable. I cant type anything without it taking forever, I have to proof read correcting multiple mistakes before posting or sending emails. I dont remember what I did on Monday except for gong to the airport.

I have so had enough, 9 months, 10 doctors, $35,000 and still no answers just alot of test and guessing. Being on a walker 5 days out of 8, multiple pills per day wondering when will all of this end. How could I have been such a healthy person, physical,forever going and doing something, to being able to do nothing.

I dont like to sit around and talk to people about this, I dont want people to feel pitty for me, I dont need someone that got their Medical license from the Walmart making a diagnosis...I appreciate all recommndations, Bless their heart for their thoughts.

Today is my day just to frown, whine about my feelings, be completely frustrated by what this is doing to my family, my dads sad face with concern, my mom at every doctors visit attempting to understand, my children making me feel so loved and my little grandchildren having no clue but thinking walking with me with my walked is a game (Jilli says Emma is going to become a doctor so she can take care of me)..my heart aches for the man I love, that for him (dont talk about, dont look at it and it will go away). I miss him in my life, I wont get personal, I just feel my marriage is in much stress because of the DAMN ILLNESS!

I accept it because I know it is all a part of God's plan. I refuse to question why this has been chosen for me...it just has.

I am Thankful for my family..I am sorry this is just out there..but today I am sad and hurting, physically and emotionally. Bring the balloons to my Pitty Party and celebrate, this too shall pass.

This is my newest little granddaughter..Jessalynn Christine Thompson

she has started smile an talking baby talk..she is so sweet

Short but Pointful

This is a promise to me and for others to understand
Though my child may be making bad decisions....I will NEVER turn my back on him
Though my child may say bad things...I will NEVER ignor him
Though my child may be running the streets...I will NEVER quit following him
Though my child may have hurt me....I will NEVER believe he really means to
Though my child may not pray for him to be healed..I will NEVER quit praying
When he calls me on the phone for help....I will ALWAYS help him
I will NEVER quit being his mom, I will NEVER give up on him
I will NEVER quit being "for" him. I will NEVER NEVER NEVER quit lovng him
I do BELIEVE in him. I do BELIEVE in God's healing
I do BELIEVE my son will be healed someday
I STANDUP for my son, just as I do for my other childen
BELIEVE me...I love them all..I will LOVE them FOREVER

I am Ticked off too!!

I got this from Denise..thanks...Ticked Off Tuesday "TOT" for short. I am always a day late and a dollar short...so of course it is Wednesday for me, but if nobody looked at the date they wouldnt know what day I wrote it. But for this week I will call it Wonder Way on Wednesday!
Why are there so few Handicap parking? I was so aggravated yesterday (Tuesday). I had to go down town Greenville to the tax office to redo my handicap parking sticker. For those of you know how downtown is, well need I say more..but anyways. the tax office is on the corner of Lee and Johnson..no where in sight of this place is there a handicap parking spot. All spots within a short walking distance was marked as 2-4 hour parking limit. I drove around twice with every hope in the world someone would leave. No luck..so I park in a designated handicap spot on the corner of Lee and Washington..a complete block away.
I park, climb down out of my handicapped can, get my walker out and prepare to listen to the dragging (right I know, need tennis balls) of this walker for the next block. I make my way, stopping at the stop light, waiting for it to tell me I could walk. We all know these lights give you no time, so really it means "RUN". I finally made my way in the tax office, Thank God there was no line...but I definatly got the either the dumbest person or the newest person..Yah me!
Once there I was told...well we need the window hangers, the tag off my windshield and my license plate number...SIRIOUSLY! This took her 25 minutes to tell me this. So here I go again, heading back to my van to get all the things they needed...hurry at the light, dragging walker, angry..attempting to be very patient and smile at other people as they walked past. I get to the van, I wrote the license plate number on a Walmart receipt (had nothing else)...trying to pull the sticker off the window...Sorry it was not as easy as the lady said it would be! Now headed back..drag, drag...now in serious pain..I get back to her counter...Lord have Mercy on her..slower than slow..asking me questions I either did not know or that she had already asked me..PLEASE!
Finally got my new tags for my van and the window..pulling away it had all taken an hour..this was crazy!
One nice thing that came out of, as crossing the road (one of the 4 times) a young man, 30ish walked next to me, stating he was walking beside me because people dont pay attention and I might get hit..I told him how much I apprecited it and Thanked him...that was so considerate. I was definately reminded that there are still good people in this world that care about others..Treat others as you would want to be treated.
I can never get a parking spoke at Walmart or Tamolies...for 500 parking spots they have 5 handicap..That is CRAZY!
I am Wondering Why there cant be more, Why aren't handicapped travelers considered?
The best for me..go shopping with the family and have them drop me off at the door..