My growing Gabi

Today "My Gabi" left for her 1st "real" big girl get away...Preteen Church Camp. I spent hours yesterday getting her all packed & of course sending enough clothes to last 2 weeks tho she will only be gone 4 days...you can never be too safe!

I am having a hard time (only 2 hours since I dropped her off) with her not here. This is the first time she has ever gone away from both daddy & myself, this is only the 2nd time she has ever been away from me. My girl is growing up so fast, really starting to make good mature decisions that will effect her for all of her life.

I know she is going to have the greatest time & cant wait till she gets back to hear all the stories & see the pictures thru her eyes.... love My Gabi

My Gabi! This is the first year we have really put her in any activity....several years ago we tried soccer, but she just really wanted to play at the play ground or pick flowers. We have also tried dance, BUT..Gabi thought she knew everything & was instructing the teacher how things are done...needless to say, we took her out of dance.
I am one of those moms that really does not like running here and there everyday to get my child from this activity to another. We dicided on soccer for the spring, dreading it needless to say...BUT..the coach asked me if I would like to assistant coach the team, dreadfully I accepted. The coldest winter weather ever, muddy fields..how did I ever not realize how much fun it would be. Week after week, game after game..just so enjoyable & fun. Gabi's experiences were many, new friends, learning to kindof run, looking forwards to something besides school and all the while having her mom & dad there with her, to support her..we had the greatest time.
When soccer ended tennis began, daddy coaching this one. The first practice was as boring as anything I had ever been too ;( I spoke with Gabi & asked her if she did not mind that I was not going to attend her boring practices, but I will for sure be at her games..little less boring! Tuesday practice, Saturday games for 2 months..in the end she came in 3rd place in the Division 1 group..so dang proud of this girl.
Now summer has arrived..she is keeping us on our toes with Basketball Camp, British Soccer Camp, Tennis Camp, Vacation Bible School & Church Camp.
From the time she was born I knew this girl was one of a kind...I absolutly adore her. This week during vacation bible school she accepted Christ & was saved..2 days later she was Baptized. These choices were her's, not following a friend that was doing it, not because someone told her to, not because she felt pressure...all because she told me, "God was in her heart very strongly & she knew what she was doing was what she wanted to do". My heart felt happiness for her, knowing we will be together for all eternity, Loving Christ as a family, also knowing she will develope her personal relationship with Jesus Christ.



I cant say enough about my little girl...I thank God for her everyday & am so thankful He chose us to be her parents..I love you Gabi.

Changes :(

Changes...I have always believed that for the most, I accept them as they come. In the next days I will have more changes at one time...a test to remind me "That I can Accept".
Tomorrow, Gabi and Dan will leave for Minnesota. After a quick visit at a family reunion, Dan will head to Iowa to take part in a one week bike ride across Iowa. Him and several of our home town buddies do this each year. New on the agenda...he's leaving our baby in Minnesota for that week :( We have never left her..since she was born, one of us has always been with her. Gabi will be in Minnesota with Dan's family...they are great people and I know she is going to have a great great time, but she is will be 1000 miles from me and hundreds from her daddy. My anxiety level is pretty high..but we will get through it.
In 4 days, Shurie, my wonderful grown daughter will take her two little girls Jilli & Emma and move back to Colorado. Bittersweet :) :( Their hubby/daddy will be returning from Iraq after serving his 3rd tour..gone a year watching his little girls grow through a computer monitor. Their family being back together is the greatest and most important thing......Now my selfishness comes in...Ah these two little girls are the greatest things in the world. In the year they have been with us we have watched Emma go from just laying on the floor "silent" to running, laughing, singing, talking, climbing, throwing things, toting the cats, swimming and just loving everyone. What a personality! Emma sings "Rock-A-Bye, Rock-A-Bye..the cutest thing EVER! Her tempertantrums to kissy kissy.....Jilli, wow! Her personality ranges from one second laughing to the next, her cry will make you believe she was hit by a car. Jilli loves to read, write, spell, color, play games and runs around with so much energy you would swear we have batteries in her back. She has to kiss and hug EVERYONE goodbye..if not she will cry about it forever. Jilli's smile and laugh will draw anyone in, yet her cry can make you run. What will we do not having these little girls here everyday.....Watch them grow on the computer monitor. Most of all, watching my daughter leave this nest again :( Mind you, this is not the first time we have experienced this, but it never comes easier. I have loved having her home, doing things for her, hearing her call my name from the other room..each time remindng me so much of the little girl that use to do that so long ago...I will miss this so much...but I am going to visit them in Sept..YAH!
Within the next week, my oldest son Bear an his family will be moving..only 2 hours away, but I have loved having them just down the street. Three more grandchildren are amoungest this family..Cameron, Kaydence and Jessalynn... I dont spend each day with them, most times a couple of times a month. I will miss them no less, their curly hair and big blue eyes..laughing, seeing what they a can get into and just so dang entertaining.
I am so Thankful that my grown children can make the choices that it takes for them to move ahead in life, it just saddens me to not have them within yelling distance :)
I am very proud of all of my family and love them all so much...but PLEASE..no more changes :))

Pitty Party

I am so wore out, I am so tired of being tired. When I greet a person I always say "hello how are you" and they will say the same to me...my response "fine thank you"..I am a liar, or I want to believe I am fine...BUT I AM NOT!!

I work so hard to make my days positive, but they are not. I work so hard to believe that today will be a good day, but its not. As I attempt to clean my house, holding my breath to get through it with no complaint, but inside me I am miserable. I cant type anything without it taking forever, I have to proof read correcting multiple mistakes before posting or sending emails. I dont remember what I did on Monday except for gong to the airport.

I have so had enough, 9 months, 10 doctors, $35,000 and still no answers just alot of test and guessing. Being on a walker 5 days out of 8, multiple pills per day wondering when will all of this end. How could I have been such a healthy person, physical,forever going and doing something, to being able to do nothing.

I dont like to sit around and talk to people about this, I dont want people to feel pitty for me, I dont need someone that got their Medical license from the Walmart making a diagnosis...I appreciate all recommndations, Bless their heart for their thoughts.

Today is my day just to frown, whine about my feelings, be completely frustrated by what this is doing to my family, my dads sad face with concern, my mom at every doctors visit attempting to understand, my children making me feel so loved and my little grandchildren having no clue but thinking walking with me with my walked is a game (Jilli says Emma is going to become a doctor so she can take care of me)..my heart aches for the man I love, that for him (dont talk about, dont look at it and it will go away). I miss him in my life, I wont get personal, I just feel my marriage is in much stress because of the DAMN ILLNESS!

I accept it because I know it is all a part of God's plan. I refuse to question why this has been chosen for me...it just has.

I am Thankful for my family..I am sorry this is just out there..but today I am sad and hurting, physically and emotionally. Bring the balloons to my Pitty Party and celebrate, this too shall pass.